It is also very painful and arduous to terminate a marriage, particularly if the couple has been together for quite a long time, say more than a decade. None suffer more than a wife or husband who for many years has been with his/her husband/wife and suddenly is left alone with a feeling of total loss and deep grief. However, several actions can be taken constructively to help one recover and get over the incident in the long run.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
This is quite natural because the loss of a limb is an incredible shock to the system and the individual is likely to be feeling deeply despondent. You are mourning the loss of the life and the relationship which you believed would remain everlasting. It is important not to suppress the feelings and anguish towards the loss of the dream of a happy marriage, so one should cry, discuss the problem with friends or write a diary. This simply means that, if you do not express your feelings, you are simply postponing the pain you feel. Mourning is a natural and critical part of one’s healing process after having experienced a loss.
Be Patient With Yourself
Accept the fact that the process of healing from divorce is gradual and is a process of taking baby steps and that there isn’t a certain amount of time that one has to wait until they feel better. Don’t be too discouraged when you occasionally fail, but do remember that it is important to savor the small victories. There is no set timetable when it comes to healing, not if you are getting over the dissolution of what may have been a 20 or even 30-year partnership. It is also important to have as much time as required to cover the stages of grief and take as much time as you need.
Work On Self-Care
Ensure you look out for your needs when grieving- try to eat as much as possible even if you aren’t hungry, avoid over-dependence on substances, ensure you get 7-8 hours of sleep if possible, and light exercise at a time when you feel good. Taking care of your welfare in terms of mental, emotional, and physical formations is a crucial key in managing the various hurdles involved in this change. If you remain symptomatic to low mood or anxiety that impacts your functionality in daily life, then therapy should be considered.
You are not required to face life alone, but instead, you need to get connected with your support system.
One needs to have a support system of people that will let you feel loved listened to, and taken care of. It may help to surround oneself with more positive people or loved ones who do not shy away from showing or accepting the vulnerable side. It can also be highly beneficial to talk to others going through similar problems; support groups provide just this opportunity. However, it is crucial to note that you do not have to start the divorce recovery process on your own.
Try New Things and Take Risks
If you are ready, return to the activities that you used to enjoy in the past or start new ones to keep the mind occupied, channel negative feelings constructively, improve your mood, and redefine yourself as a person beyond being someone’s ex. Playing for the local sports teams, taking enjoyable classes, going to some dream destination one has – having joy and passion in one’s life after the loss of a loved one can be very therapeutic.
Re-organize daily routines and responsibilities/The subject matter of the first session is to re-establish daily routines and responsibilities to bring some new order after chaos.
The normal schedule being disrupted after separation also creates confusion and aimless movement which deepens the level of sadness.
If you can try and get back into some sort of routine after the first couple of days of the crisis, attempt to have a daily routine of waking up at a specific time, eating at specific times, going to the gym, taking responsibility for chores around the house, etc. It is very reassuring to have structure and something to work towards when the rest of the world feels somewhat up in the air.
It is okay to feel resentful or bitter towards your ex for their misconduct that caused or led to the dissolution of the marriage. But as much as you possibly can through the years, try to learn to forgive them in your mind and heart no longer hold a grudge against them not for them but for you. If you allow anger to turn into resentment then it becomes a hindrance to the process of recovery and growth. Instead, redirect it into feeding yourself, or as I like to say, nourishing yourself.
Reflect On The Marriage
After the shock and rawness of grief have slightly diminished and you have your coping mechanisms in place, keep quiet and think about the reasons the marriage failed, the patterns of behavior in your relationship, and what you can learn from it. It is crucial to note that this reflection is not done to lay blame on either of the spouses, but for growth. Think about what desires and wants of each other were left unfulfilled, what kind of miscommunication occurred, and how both of them could have been more loving – it may be helpful to write the answers in a diary. By processing the marriage in this manner, both parties may find some closure.
This Is True Until One Is Willing To Open Up To Love Again
As much as it might seem somewhat improbable initially, attempt to cultivate the potentialities of finding a new partner when you become ready for that sort of change. No, it may not always be immediately, timely, or soon but definitely once you are ready for another serious committed one. It may be somewhat comforting to know that after the legal disintegration of your marriage, you do not have to be lonely if you try not to be. Channel your energy in the right direction of being the best version of yourself first.
Conclusion
Although it can seem like a very daunting task to move on after many years of marriage and divorce due to the complexities of life after divorce, the pain, and sorrow, it is very possible to recover. This means that the idea is to deploy positive coping skills and that time and self-care must be given space. For a time, it is never-ending, but it does ease up eventually, regardless of the situation’s cause. At some point, you will be physically, psychologically, and cognitively stable enough to objectively look at the marriage, consolidate postmarital self-knowledge, and get prepared for new interesting life phases.
Divine Wordsmith is a spiritual guide and writer, weaving tales of wisdom and insight to inspire inner growth and connection to the divine. Join the journey of self-discovery and enlightenment through the transformative power of words.
